I just wanted to draw a bigger and clearer picture which I wasnt able to do in pt1. I touched on what I felt were some of the mistakes women are making when choosing or not choosing the right mate. My main focus was on women who will pass up a good man because he is not on her level financially. In pt2 I want to take a look at the historical role of the man and woman in the family dichotomy.
In the beginning of civilization we were hunter/gatherers. The man’s physical make up and aggressive Testosterone hormone made him more suitable for the task of going into the wild and bringing back dinner. It made him more suited to carry heavy twigs or branches to build huts and it made him more suited to protect his family from the dangers outside the village.
The women on the other hand, could gather fruits and berries quite easily, they could cook and weave baskets all while multi tasking and nursing their young. Pretty hard to hunt and build huts with a young infant on your breast or a child running around getting into trouble.
As civilization advanced we went from hunter/gatherers to trades men. You had your butcher, your blacksmith, your guy who just made dairy products, your tax collector etc etc. Though not as dangerous as hunting, or as tedious as building a house out of twigs and branches, these task without modern machines of today still took elbow grease, and was much more suitable for a man. I mean what was the alternatives? Men nursing their young (oh wait their even bottles at this point?) or maybe men bathing the children and cooking them a meal, while the ladies made horse shoes and hardware and did the back numbing labor. Yeah that makes sense.
So from the beginning of time till this stage of history, women were pretty dependent on men, to put a roof over there head, and make sure there was food in the house. We still had the “traditional” roles. As we move closer to the industrial age we find the same circumstances. Hard back-breaking factory work in the cities, and more nurturing motherly task in the home. Though both parties did what their genetic make up and DNA made them more suited to do, I could imagine a sense of helplessness from the women. Maybe not being fulfilled emotionally by the man of the house. Feeling trapped maybe. Being stuck in a situation with someone she may not want to be with because if she leaves, where would she go? She basically had to wait for some young stud to notice her and whisk her far away like in the romance novels and just like the current husband, take care of her and the children for the rest of her life. I can see how this arrangement could cause some resentment. Not feeling powerful. Feeling dependent. Feeling unappreciated, etc.
So when the world wars started and women started taking jobs in the factories, so weapons and other vital products continued to be produced while the men were away at war, this is the first time in history where women started to taste independence. They felt powerful now, appreciated, useful. Most of all the gender roles they seemed to be “cursed” with. The role that they resented so much because of how it trapped them in their circumstances seemed to be changing. They welcomed their men back from war with open arms but the taste of ‘freedom” and independence was addicting. Women started to also integrate into the work force. telephone switch board operators, secretaries, waitresses. They were now earning money and feeling more and more “equal” with their male counter parts. This switch in the family dynamic didn’t happen over night. It took decades for this switch in the social conciousness to be widely accepted as the new norm. Probably after the 80’s with images of women going to work in suits with running sneakers on was there a realization that things were forever changed.
With this slow change in the dynamic of the family economic structure and change in gender roles came changes in the family bond as a whole. The family was no longer bonded by necessity. Woman could pick up and leave when ever they wanted. They could easily find a job or two and make ends meet without the need of a man anymore. The divorce rate went up. The family struggled and in time fell apart. For the first time in the history of man did people stay together because of love and happiness and not because of convenience. To bad for us we weren’t really that good at figuring out what true love was. It was easier to stay together for convenience. Now we had to actually work at loving someone and being with them for the right reasons. GUESS THATS ONE OF THE REASONS THE DIVORCE RATE IS SO HIGH. We don’t have much practice at that. But at least there is no more dependency. Women finally got their way out. That freedom and independence. They felt powerful finally. “Equal” because that’s what is really important right. being “equal”?
The only problem with this new dynamic is though women are climbing the ladder of eduction and career opportunity faster than lightning and due to other cultural dynamics men, especially Black men are struggling like never before, and the Black Woman is more succesful than ever before. The shift has been completed. We no longer live in a society where black smiths, butchers and farmers are the main professions. We don’t even live in the industrial age anymore. We live in a totally different society than we have even experienced in history. Most jobs can be done from a desk. The back-breaking labor of yesterday is done by machines and robots. It is no longer a necessity for women to be at home cooking and cleaning and raising their young. We have microwave dinners and processed foods that are instant that men and young children can cook with little problem. We have professional child care facilities so that the womans work day can be extended. She is no longer needed at home. She can work work work for that freedom she has become accustomed to. No more is she a slave to necessity. No longer will she stay in a relationship/marriage that she feels unfulfilled in.
This is a good thing right?
The problem with this shift in our culture is though women are making the money now and in a lot of cases more money that their counter parts especially in the minority communities, they resent us for not being as financially independent as they are. For the entire history of human kind men have provided, food shelter and safety and now that the tables have turned and women are independent, not only do they want their independence and financial power but they still want a man to feed them, shelter them, and protect them? This doesn’t sound hypocritical to you? You wanted financial freedom so you had the option to stay or leave if you wished from a relationship that didn’t fulfill you. You now have that. You don’t have to be with a man for convenience ever again. Now you have the choice to be with someone based on love and affection and mutual likes and interest.
My question is now that you have that freedom, why do you continue to pass over good men, that share your interest, stimulate you mentally and support you emotionally and spiritually simply because he doesn’t make as much as you? SO WHAT! Can you imagine how assed out the women would have been throughout history if men as a whole just decided that we didn’t need your cooking and cleaning and child care abilities anymore. We’d just eat chaired meats over an open fire, accompanied by the bread, and cheese we brought from town. have a pint of beer to wash it down at the local pub and just fuck strange women with no care about her getting pregnant. What was she gonna do? Get a DNA test? Through out history, men have needed women a lot less than they have needed us but for some strange reason we have provided, protected, feed and clothed you. Now that the tables have turned everything is a damn mess.
Now I can imagine what you are thinking as you read this. “This son of a bitch!” “Who the hell does he think he is?” “He is probably one of those broke bastards he is referring to, that’s why he is so upset” Some of you may even be more interested in my spelling and grammar mistakes than seeing any truth in my words. Ladies, this blog is not meant to offend you. Actually I want you to be happy. I want you to find love and be fulfilled in your life. I’m sorry if Im lacking tact, and come across a bit straight forward. Im just frustrated with you ladies. You are to blinded by your own pride. To accustomed to your own freedom, and have been drinking the Kool-Aid for way to long. I just want to open your eyes to the fact that you have been getting in your own way for far to long now. I need you to decided what you want and stop going back and forth. Is it the opportunity for love and affection and mental and spiritual support or is it “traditionality”, to keep your debit card in your pocketbook when going to the movies or out to eat or to have a man take care of you and make you feel safe and taken care of? Are you a modern woman who doesn’t need a man, but constantly complains how lonely she is and takes out her frustration on all the men she knows that aren’t meeting her standards or you more sensible and realize that in this new day and age the “traditional” gender roles no longer apply and its up to you two as a couple to decide what the others role will be and to be ok with that decision?
If you’re a single woman, mother, provider and your beef is when you find a man he needs you to take care of him like he is your child as well, and he wont get off his ass to try to be a provider, then you can ignore this whole blog post. It’s not directed at you. This is directed at the modern woman of today that says she wants love and doesn’t need your money, and when it presents its self to her, she says to herself, “i like this love thing, but can it come with a bit more money as well?” Then she turns her back on love because she is hoping to upgrade to the love with the nice car and condo as well.
I was told as a child, “No one gets what they want all the time, except babies”. We have to make decisions and except them. We have to realize that we can not have our cake and eat it too. It’s just not how life works. ladies GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. Please. I beg you. Happiness is closer than you think. No need to be successful and bitter anymore.